Marketing Trickery….

So I was out to dinner this weekend with some friends and we get on the topic of some of the wonderful marketing trickery that all of us succumb to from time to time. I had been working on this blog for sometime, and well the conversation helped to get the creative juices flowing, and this is what you get. Marketing trickery….

1. Clothing Store Sales: So this weekend at stores such as Express and Limited they were running a promotion that was buy one get one 50%. You should have seen the stores, it was like lions hunting sitting gazeles in the Sahara. People running, jumping, fighting to get to their shirts, skirts, belts, and blouses. Then once you get up to the register and discover that you have an odd number of clothing items, the well rehearsed response of, “Did you know it was buy one get the second 50% off? You are losing free money if you don’t get something else.” This type of quackery may work on some, but do you really think it is a deal if you only need one shirt, and you decide to purchase another one just because it is 50% off? It’s not FREE money. It’s a way for them to make you feel that you are getting a good deal, and in the end they are getting more of you weak dollar. If you only need one shirt, and it costs $50, but then they trick you into purchasing another shirt for $40 because its FREE money, and so now you are spending $70 dollars when you were only planning on spending $50, then you have been tricked. It’s not free money to you, it’s free money to them.

2. Family and Friends: So Gap, Banana Republic, and Old Navy had their famous friends and family weekend this past weekend and you recieved 30% off your entire purcahse. Again, it’s just another venue to try and get more of your money to be spent in their stores. I always find it funny when people are sitting in the store saying outloud, “I will just get this shirt and dress as well because it’s such a great deal.” Do oyu not get it? They make you think you are getting a great deal so that you feel you are getting more for your money when in all reality all you ar doing is spending more of your hard earned weak dollars on things that do not have as much value an in turn you are leaving more of it behind. Its all about creating a flase sense of reality that you are getting more for your money when in reality all you are doing is spending more, getting less value, and purchasing things that you didn’t need in the first place.

3. Mannequins: Since I am on the topic of shopping plazaz, malls, and stores can someone please tell me what the hell is the purpose of mannequins having nipples? I am not sure about you, but I don’t think I personally would care if I was to wear that really cool new blue lambswool sweater out on Friday night on how my nipples would look in it. Seriously? Are you kidding me? It’s Wisconsin people. If you are a woman you should be wearing a bra to hold those babies up so they don’t end up down at your knees, and if you are a male, then wear a fucking undershirt. In the event you do not heed my advice, then don’t get all pissed off when some ignorant asshole oggles your chest in the store. But again, why do mannequins need nipples?

4. Washing Detergent: I am not sure if nay of you have paid attention recently or not, but a lot of the Tide’s, All’s, Era’s and other brands have begun to make more highly concentrated formula’s that come in either the same size bottle, or smaller bottles. The thought is that you can now use less when washing your clothes. In theory this works wonderfully, but in reality its more marketing genius on their part to sell us less shit at a higher price and make us feel all warm and fuzzy that we are getting a great deal. If it’s so wonderful, then why are you charging me more for the same size bottle, or even worse, a smaller one, and yet I still use the same amount? You do not change the serving/usage size necessarily, and most of us are not aware enough to stop and think before we pour our liquid detergent in to the washer; we just pour away. As a matter of fact, why would I want your detergent to be 2, 3, or even 4.5X as concentrated as it was before? I mean most people will pour some detergent directly onto their clothing to try and get a stain out. Then when you go out and happen to be in a dimly lit room or worse yet, someplace with a black light, it makes you look like you are some mad raver that is going out dancing at some club, doing nitrous oxide, and waving your fucking glow sticks in your hands. People please do not be this dumb.

5. Dawn Dish Soap: (This idea came from Joe and I am running with it, so thank you for the concept.) Has anyone noticed that Dawn now has their Dawn Ultra? You can not even find regular Dawn at most stores anymore. It comes in the same size bottle, with the same cap, but because it is Ultra and more concentrated we are supposed to use less when we do our dishes. On the back of the bottle, it doesn’t say what the usage size is at all. So when we go to do our dishes, we give it the same size squeeze as we always have before, not realizing that its Ultra and we should be using less. Yet they charge me more and I use the same amount unconsciously. So if you call and talk to the customer service people at Dawn and ask them about this, their response is as follows(CSR): “You are supposed to use a firm squeeze on the bottle.” ME: “Ok but that’s the same squeeze I would use with regular Dawn.” CSR: “Well sir, we engineer the bottles differently to accomodate for the Ultra so you use less.” I suppose I can not argue with that response, other then the fact that there is no real evidence that supports that. (Which means I will have to find some regular Dawn and test my theory. I am thinking there is no way in hell that it can be as such, but we will see.) I then ask does DAwn even make regular Dawn anymore? I think discover the truth. They do make it still, and I can find it at the dollar store or Dollar General. She even proceeded to tell me that they make bottles differently depending on what store it is and what they specify. Read on….

6. Walmart and Sam’s Club: Most of us shop there because we are led to believe that most of their items are cheaper. The reality is much different. Some of the things that can be found at most stores can be a bit cheaper at Walmart depending on if you go to one in a large city versus the one down the street from you in say Dinkytown USA. Walmart is notorious for coming in to small communities to give people the ability of not having to leave town in order to get the majority of their food, Health and Beauty Aids, as well as electronics and other home needs. A lot of times they will come into the community, lower their prices so the little mom and pop stores can not compete, and once they have all the business and the other places close, they then bring their prices up. They also tend to be slightly higher then if you were to shop for the same item in a larger city where there is more competition. So it may be worth the short drive from time to time. This is where I begin to get really pissy with Walmart and Sams Club though….

Both are notorious for having particular packaging for items. For instance you can purchase a 197 oz of laundry detergent for X number of dollars. It just so happens to be that only Walmart and Sams Club carry these sizes in these brands. So it makes it more difficult for you, the consumer, to compare and contrast various items at Walmart to say Cosco, Target, K Mart, Shopko, or any other store one may shop frequently. You now need to smart and either use the calculator on your cell phone, carry a calculator, or hope to hell that your parents forced you to do math in your head so you can figure it out on the fly. (Another lost art that most of our young have no idea how to do.) This thoroughly pisses me off!! So when Momma Susie goes to her local Walmart and thinks she is getting a great deal on the super sized bottle of detergent, the larger size of orange juice, or the king size box of diapers in reality she may be spending a shit load more only to be placing herself in a worse position because of Walmart and Sams Club’s unique packaging strategies to make us feel as if we are getting more for our money, when we are just getting sneaky packaging so that they can screw us over and make us smile as we walk into the parking lot with our over priced goods. 

7. Weight Watchers: Weight watchers finally jumped on the band wagon of making everyone bend over and take one up the ass. Now weight watchers has specific cream cheese in either a tub or single serving sizes. The funny thing is that if you use the light Philadelphia Cream Cheese it computes to the same amount of points and costs about $0.50 less. Again, its more marketing creativity to make us feel as if we are being healthier, and in doing so, it demands a slightly higher price. I mean all the things that are good for us tend to cost more? Right?

8. Sesame Seeds: (Another idea by Joe) What the fuck is the point of Sesame Seeds on the buns of burgers in fast food? Do they really add any taste value to the burger or the bun? No. All they do is fall all over the fucking car when you are driving and trying to eat at the same time. Not to mention then they get into all the nooks and crevices in our cars and you have to then get your vehicle professionally cleaned in order to get the fucking things out of our cars. Again marketing genius and partnerships between fast food and the auto industry.

9. McDonald’s Monopoly: I was just about crapped my pants when I overheard some people talking about how they were so happy that Monopoly was back at McDonald’s and that they try to eat there every single day so that they can play the game. Are you serious? Are you really the much of a fucking moron that you actually make the effort to go and eat there on a daily basis to try and play Monopoly? Don’t you realize that the reason why they do the game is to boost sales, to make you think you may win something, and to get you to come and spend more money?? I mean lets think about it rationally people, if they really wanted all of us to play then they would put a Monopoly piece on all of their cheeseburgers, hamburgers, small fries, small drinks, and dollar menu items. People, lets get real, do you not realize that your odds of winning are lower for Monopoly then they are for a Powerball Lottery Ticket? Which also means you have better odds of getting struck by lightening then you do winning Monopoly. Do you not realize that the quantity of certain pieces are controlled, this making your chances for winning lower? Come on people, lets be smart here. All it does is increase sales, bring in new customers, and helps Monopoly Brand their games and increase their sales as well. 

For those of you out there thinking, well not if you win the Million Dollars. Go fuck yourself. For example, last years winner made the following statement: “I have two young children, and I knew that this money would make it possible to not only pay off my student loans, send my parents to Hawaii and buy my dream home, but it would allow me to remain a stay-at-home mom and spend more time with my family. To me, that means the world.”

Oh yeah Einstein, this is the reality of your million dollar winnings. Sending your parents to Hawaii is going to cost you at least $800 flight + hotel resort stay= $3000.00 

Dream home: Lets hope you live someplace where housing is rather cheap, so average dream home= $500,000.00

Student Loans= Safe assumption of $10,000.00

35% taxes if money awarded all in one lump sum= $350,000.00

Which now leaves you with about $137,000.00. Just enough to pay for the two of your kids’ to go to a public University by the time the come of age. If you were to invest in our economy right now, you may lose it all. 

One last thing on this topic, hate to burst your bubble, but McDonald’s doesn’t award the million dollars in one lump sum. They award it in interest-free $50,000 increments for 20 years. Poor mother, she will still have to go to Walmart to shop for her no bargains and try to play Monopoly next year to actually get her dream home.

10. Nintendo: They have done a wonderful job in ensuring that they have limited supply in their Wii’s making sure that everyone is always talking about them and trying their best to get their hands on one or two. Think about it. There is no real reason why they couldn’t up production and make sure that the shelves are stocked full of the video game consoles, but they don’t in order to generate a buzz amongst consumers who want to try and get one for their kids and be the hero at Christmas or their birthday. People it all about supply and demand. If they limit their supply, it generates a buzz, and now all of a sudden everyone wants one of the fucking things so they can brag to their friends around the water cooler at work on Monday. Dumb asses for falling for it. 

11. Tickle me anything: Here is the last thing that is really pissing me off royally. Create a product, limit the supply, and then only allow it to do one thing so that you can make more of the same thing and have one that will laugh, one that will talk, one that will sing, so on and so forth. What is all the hype really about? A piece of plastic that does one thing or another? Are you serious? You are really going to get up at 4 in the fucking morning the day after you have gorged yourself out on your over priced turkey from Walmart and your super-sized can of cranberry sauce just to be the first one in line to get a shitty piece of plastic that only does one thing for your child? Really? No wonder why America is in the abyss of shit and sinking fast, because parents are running out to but these pieces of crap that only do one thing for our children.

Jade is rare. Honus Wagner cards are rare. Most toys are plastic. Plastic is not rare. Don’t give your children a hunk of plastic. Give them a cup of imagination. You can’t get lead poisoning from imagination. 

Fucking morons. 

So the next time you think you are getting a great deal or see some ad and get the urge to run to the store and buy more then what you really need, remember this posting about all of the Ninja Marketing Mind Trickery. 

You see things; and you say, “Why?” But I dream things that never were; and I say, “Why not?” 

-George Bernard Shaw