Annoyances….

1. Walmart: Why the hell is it that every Walmart has like 30 check out lanes but no matter what time of day you go in, they only have 4 lanes open? I mean what the fuck is the point. It is busier then shit in the the store and you really only open up four lanes? What the fuck people. Of course you always will be the first to open those self check lanes but those fucking things do not work at all. Every single time I go through a self check lane the red light goes off and blinks and I still need to go to a real fucking person to finish checking out. Is it my fault that a box of condoms are to fucking light to register on your bag sensors that I scanned and placed them into a bag? No. So why not just save the time and effort of your customers and take one of the little trolls off of bathroom duty, or forget the fucking greeter and have them jump on a check out lane? Seriously. I could give a damn less about having John McCain say hi to me as I walk into Walmart. But if he can jump on a cash register and check me out so I do not have to stand in line for 20 minutes with 35 other lanes closed, I would be smiling like your rollback man. Assholes. 

2. Walmart part duex: Why is it that every night when they go to do the “Attention customers it is now 9pm and you can longer buy liquor…” bit that it always sounds like they have shit in their mouth? I mean is it really that difficult to annunciate your words? Its not like a bunch of drunk shoppers are in the store trying to race and beat the clock to the check out lanes. If we aren’t drunk, then how the hell do you expect us to understand your garbled language? Take your time and talk slowly. No one can you see as you make the announcement, so do it properly dumb ass. You sound worse then the teacher from the Peanuts! 

3. Sports Hats: I am sick and tired of walking around and seeing all these idiots with the fucking tags on their hats. You know what I mean. The idiot with his hat on and then the 50/50 sticker left on the bill of his cap. Or leaving the large tag hang and tilting it to the side. Why? Its not cool. Its not even stylish or hip. It may have been a ghetto fab thing like 4 years ago, but last time I checked most of you aren’t black nor are you a hip hop artist. Its down right fucking dumb. Every time I see one of you idiots in the mall I want to take my over priced slurpee and chuck it at your head, hell I have a 50/50 chance of pegging you off. Then when you turned around and ask, I will just say that I thought it meant I had a 50% chance of hitting you, so I took it. Idiots.

4. McDonalds: Ok so McD’s now has a late night menu for those places that happen to be open 24 hours. So the other night I am going through the drive thru and order a cheeseburger. Simple right? Wrong. They get on the intercom and inform me that I can not order a cheeseburger after midnight. What? Are you serious? Doesn’t your sign say over 99 billion served? Isn’t that under the golden arches? Really? How is it that I can get chicken McNuggets but I can’t get a fucking cheeseburger? Did the Hamburglar eat them all? Or is Grimmace in the back making special sauce with Barney and can’t be disturbed? Bullshit!

5. McD’s part deux (story taken from Matty;) So the other night my boy was in the drive thru and ordered a quarter pounder with cheese. The person working the drive thru had the audacity of getting back on the intercom and informing him that they were out of cheese. What? Are you fucking real? This is McDonald’s right? Everything on your menu has cheese on it, how can you run out of fucking cheese? Did Chucky run out of it at his pizza place and call the big red headed clown and ask if he could borrow some? Seriously Ronald, its late, I am hungry, and this is Wisconsin. I want some fucking cheese please. 

6. On-line dating: I am sick and tired of seeing these commercials on my television about match.com, chemistry.com, yahoo personals, and whatever the hell else other on-line dating site there is. Seriously, do not try and make it out as if you go through some major fucking algorithm that can take my traits, match them up with someone else’s traits, and magically you can tell me who the best match is going to be. Its not what your site is. Let’s be real. All on line dating is is nothing more then on line meat markets. Its all about posting your picture on line, placing your stats, and making up some bullshit about what you are interested in, things you like to do, and other superficial bull crap. Its shit. It is not scientific, it is not mathematical, its not logical. All it really is is nothing more then another forum to allow people to either pretend to be someone they aren’t or to allow stalkers to prey on idiotic good looking people that don’t know any better. I say get rid of all the on line dating, the fake bullshit, and trying to make it out to be more about what’s on the inside and getting to know the person versus the fact that you are still superficial and seeking out who is the most fucking attractive to you and hoping to hell you can create a big enough fish story to appeal to them. Now let me get back to my Flavor of Love.

7. Wife Swap: I think the premise of this show is smart. Two families, take the mothers from each one, swap them, and help to make the other family see things in a different light. Great concept in theory. The issue I have is why the hell are people so dumb on this show. First of all you know what the show is and you take the time and effort to fill out an application and sign up for the show. Since you obviously know that you are going to have to abide by the rules of another family, then why do you throw a temper tantrum and get all pissed off and threaten to walk out on the show when its your turn to try something new? If you do not want to play fair and by the rules, which you know going into the show, then do not tell ABC that you want to be on the fucking show. Its what the hole fucking show is. One week you live by your rules, the next by someone else’s. You know ABC is going to do their best to find the one family in America that is the direct opposite of you. Just to cause drama and piss you off. You know this. If you can not handle it then do not go on the fucking show. I see dumb people, and its you on the show!

8. Bishops Appeal: I know I am going to hell, so what the hell. I am sitting in the middle of church and waiting for the homily (for those of you pagans, this is when the priest tells you how the story he just told you relates to the present) and the priest tells us he is going to play a recording from our bishop. Cool. I get to hear what he ha to say. All of sudden he plays this tape and its all about how we need to give more of our treasures to the church to help spread the word, help with our schools, our parish, and missionaries. Treasure? What the fuck treasure do I have? Its not like I have a treasure chest stowed away in my basement full of rubies, emeralds, diamonds, and gold. Wait. Are you taking a page out of the marketing trickery and trying to rename my money to treasure? Do you really think by calling my money treasure, that it is going to make me think differently and want to share more of what I have with the church? Um, not really. Last time I checked the head of the Catholic Church lives in a mansion full of gold and other jewels. Not to mention its rather ironic that he lives in a castle when Jesus lived in a manger with horse shit. How the fuck does that one equate? Last time I checked I couldn’t buy my way into heaven. If you want to appeal to me, bring in one of your priests that is suffering from leporsy along with one of the little african children with a cleft lip. Let them talk to me. Not only will it move me but I will donate and maybe even volunteer some of my time for the cause.  I may be more inclined to donate to Catholic Education if I can make sure it goes directly there versus to the gold cup, silk robes, and the law suits for playing with little Bobby as he is trying to help you out with your job.

9. Martini’s: So I went out Saturday night with some family members to one of the local Martini Bars. I have to say I love them. So after the first round a couple of the people with us come up to me and tell me that they do not think that their drinks taste right. They are telling me that they are too strong. What? Wait a minute. You specifically said you wanted to go to the martini bar. Do you know what martini’s are? Its a drink full of shots that you sip. Its not supposed to taste like a raspberry anything, its not supposed to taste like a strawberry anything, its not supposed to be sweet, or tart, or fruity. Its a fucking drink full of shots, its supposed to have a bite to it. Its not a beer. Its pure liquor. If you can not handle it, then don’t fucking order one and then complain about it having a bite. Where else can you order four shots for six bucks and have it taste half way decent? Get over it. If you want some foo foo drink with an umbrella then order a pina colada and put your skirt back on man. Save your bitching for someone else. I don’t want to hear it. I want to go back and drink with the real men in the bar; the hot blonde in the back of the bar that can drink a dirty and not whine about it. Fucking retard.