Mall Observations

Not sure how many of you go to the mall and make observations on the people you see and the things you witness, but I do. So sit back, grab a bag of chips, a soda, and enjoy.

1. Couples: Is it just me or has anyone ever noticed how couples tend to morph into one another. What I mean is that they tend to wear the same types of clothes, have the same style, same facial expression, walk the same way. Even people that I may have known, when I see them with their significant other, its as if once saying I do, that they begin to lose all independence and the transformation into one being occurs. Scary. Thought makes me cringe. Give me argyle or give me death!

2. Goth: So I am sitting in the mall and all of a suddent there is this group of like 12 year olds walking by me and they are all wearing black clothing, have black bands around their neck, dark make up on, and walking around with smiles on their faces. What the fuck? Are you serious. you are like in what? 6th grade? What the fuck do you have to be pissed off and depressed about? Since when is being gothic a fashion statement? Last time I checked gothic meant someone that is severely dark and troubled, depressed, and their feelings perspire from their soul and manifests into their dress. Gothic is not something to be smiling about, nor is it a trend. Parents…..what the fuck are you thinking letting your kids go out in public like this? Do you not take a minute to look at your kids before they walk out the door. Seriously.

3. Short Shorts: Who in the hell is the designer making short shorts for babies? Are you a fucking pedophile? Did you get out of prison and think hmmmm, I think I will use my talents for the young by designing them clothes. Why the fuck would anyone buy short ass shorts for their babies and toddlers, let alone actually put them in the clothes to wear out in public.  Kids grow up fast enough as it is, and there are enough sickos in the fucking world that you do not have to push it by dressing your 12 month child in some trashy ass hooker shit.

4. Bustiers: Again, sitting in the mall and I see this girl who can be no more then like 14 wearing this low cut bustier, short shorts, and go go boots past her knees. She had the misfortune of being a girl that developed early. So as I am sitting on the bench, these two fat slobs across from me, whistle to one another, wink their eyes, and give that little head bob thing to check her out. Dude, your like the size of 10 of her, not to mention you are like 3 times her age. You fat Jabba the Hut assholes. You have to be kidding me. Whats wrong with you? Oh wait, I forgot, this is WI and we typically let our pedophiles roam free and live in college neighborshoods. Let me guess, you work at build a bear, right? And again, parents, what the fuck are you thinking allowing your daughter to go out in public dressed as a tramp? Put some clothes on, its snowing today you idiots!

5. Tattoo’s: Okay, now don’t get me wrong, I think tatoo’s can be sexy at times. Then again, I also am sitting in the mall thinking to myself that some of the tattoos and places people place them are completely idiotic. For example, why the hell would you place a tattoo on the back of your neck when your hair covers it? What’s the point? So you can wear a pony tail and people can see your name, or the name of some idiot on the back of your neck. Wouldn’t it havebeen easier to just place a iron on sticker on the back of your clothing so you can remember what your name is and how to spell it for christs sake? Abd the dude that has a mohawk with a tattoo on the side of his scalp. What the fuck were you thinking? I am drunk and want to be manly, so I will shave my head and get a tattoo of a dragon on my head. Dumb ass. Now it looks as if the dragon shit your head out of its ass. Then again, that’s probably where your brains are, so never mind. I wonder to myself, what the hell are future achealogists going to say when they uncover our remians and see some of the fucked up people with numerous tattoo’s all over their bodies, and the fucked up body piercings. Will they say, it was the mark of the devil? Will they say that we were savages and tribesman that showed our virility based on the number of markings on our skin? I highly doubt that they will think we were intelligent as the Aztecs with all of the messed up shit we do to our bodies. Retarded!

6. Mall walking: Since when did this become in vogue? If you are not at the mall to shop, then go to a fucking gym, or better yet, go outside and walk off your fat ass. Do not jam up my aisle and hallway when I am trying to shop and get the hell out of the mall. Do you see these insane speed walking people. They get going and expect you to move out of their way because they need to go to the entrance of the store to make it ‘count’ as a full lap. This isn’t a rat race nor is it a track. Get the fuck out of my way, be considerate since I am there to spend money, and get these no shopping, soliciting mother fuckers out of the way so we can all move a little easier. Not to mention, why do they all leave their jackets on one bench???? I waited until they all walked by, then I took them all and moved them to random locations. Teach you up for leaving your shit and messing with me. You want to walk, now go find your shit fuckers!

7. Walking: Since when is there a rule as to what side of the mall you have to walk on? Has anyone else ever noticed this? Why is it that everyone walks in the forward direction so that the stores are on their right hand side? Are all of us that much of conformists that we dare not break the unwritten rule and walk on the opposite side of the mall in the opposite direction? Try it, you will piss the hell out of people and they will look at you like you are a drunk driver going the wrong way on a one way street. People, dare to be different. Stand out in a crowd, walk in a different direction then everyone else. Slaves to conformity!

 

8. Mall Patrol: I feel sorry for these rent a cops. Not only do they have to dress up in some polyestor gay outfit and wear a big hat, but they have to wear their batman utility belt with nothing on it. Like what do you have the authority to place in your belt? Keys, flashlight, batteries, mall directory? Where’s your lasso, gun, bullets, stun gun? What are you going to do, laugh me down and capture me? I doubt it. Not to mentionthat most of you are the most unathletic pathetic jackasses I have ever seen. I don’t think you could catch someone in a wheel chair let alone someone speed walking. What’s your real purpose? Unless a store reports something, you can’t do shit. All you do is walk around and look helpless.

I dare do all that may be man, who does more is none.