I’ll just dive right in, I have somethings pent up on my mind, so its time to do what I do best, vent.
1. McDonald’s: Why the fuck did you decide to ruin my happy meal experience and place all of your nutritional facts on your food? Are you kidding me? Why? If I want to eat a big fatty greasy Big Mac and some fresh fries ordered without salt (So I know they are made fresh and then just ask for salt packets) and ejoy the artery clogging goodness of it, then why are you trying to ruin it? I know people try suing you because the food makes them fat, or the coffee is too hot, but I think I am going to sue you for ruining my dining experience. I can’t escape the confines of some health fucking nut telling me that I am going to die from eating at the golden arches. You know what, let me be fat and happy and play with my penny toy that was made by some chinese toddler and clog my arteries. You don’t see me worried about you choking on some nuts do you?
2. Fazoli’s Drive thru: So my boy Matty and I went to Fazoli’s a couple weeks ago and the rocket scientist takes our money and tells us to move ahead and wait for our food. I look behind us and there is no one. So why am I moving forward? Not to mention that where he told us to move to makes it impossible for anyone to drive around us or in front of us. He also gave us a number. What? Are you for real? Why? About 10 minutes later a van gets behind us and pulls up to the window, they are waiting for their food as well. So now what? Do we pull ahead, stay, what? Not to mention that this is Fazoli’s. Why the fuck am I waiting 10+ minutes for some noodles slopped on a plate with some ragu? Not to mention the fact that I have to pay 3 bucks for 12 bread sticks because its too go, but I could sit my ass in your restaurant and eat until my tummy’s delight for free. Stupid place. Never again.
3. HIPPA signs at pharmacy: So I went to the pharmacy and they have this little sign up that says, “For the privacy of yourself and others, please stand behind the sign, this is a HIPPA issue for all of our customers.” Sounds good, but its only like 5 feet away. I can still see you giving the birth control pills and explaining the potential risks to the teenager in front of me. Not that I care or anything, but what if she had something else like the clap, I don’t want to know that shit and I don’t want to hear it. Not to mention I don’t want them to hear about me picking up suppositories for my grandpa. Not that I care, if they want to hit me outside of the store for some contraband, be my guest, but what makes you think a sign standing 5 feet from the pharmacy counter is going to create any sort of privacy???? They need to have some sound proof noise canceling head phones up in that shit to prevent all of the other busy bodies from over hearing whats going on.
4. Lakeland College Billboard: I’m not sure how many of you out there have been driving as of late, but if you have, please be on the look out for the new Lakeland College Billboard. There is this picture of this young girl holding her books and smiling. If you happen to be the girl that posed for the picture I will apologize ahead of time, but seriously, you look fucking retarded. I think the caption on the Billboard should state the following: “Lakeland College, where our football team doesn’t where helmets but are students do.” Seriously, what the hell were you thinking approving that Billboard? Maybe it looked fine on the small monitor of your office, but when you blow that picture up, and things get distorted, she looks like a Dee Dee Dee. My recommendation, change it ASAP.
5. Hair: Okay, I was shopping this weekend, and low and behold there is this young couple that has the same fucking hair style. Am I back to the 80’s or what? Last time I checked if you aren’t a rocker or sporting a mullet, then you better not have hair that is like your girlfriends. And no, she was not a dyke, she was actually semi decent looking, but dude, you look like a bad transgender surgery.
6. Women’s suits: Speaking of the 80’s, who the hell had the idea to bring back shoulder pads in women’s suits? This is not retro, or avant garde, its called a really bad decade of big hair, acid wash jeans, and crappy clothing. Ladies, if I were you I would be fucking pissed off that all of the magazines want you to look like bean poles but then on the flip side they want you to go out and buy a business suit that makes you look like a gay football player. Its ridiculous. Don’t do it, don’t buy into the hype, its ugly! Who the hell thinks someone with brouder shoulders is sexy….oh that’s right, some skinny wench of a gay dude designing womens clothing. The paradox of your times!
7. Children and FB: This may cause some stir out there, but I have a huge pet peeve. In the event you have a child that is on the computer and is under the legal age in the US, you better monitor their ass and make sure that they do not send me a friend request. The things on my mind are uncensored and are meant for adults only. Its not intended for the weak or faint of heart, nor is it intended to be a stomping ground to take back to your friends back at school, its meant for me to comment on the current situation of stupidity in this world. For real. I get this invite from one my friends children, and I’m like WTF? Are you kidding me? 1. Why are you even on FB? Do you really have that many friends that you need a computer application to manage all of them? 2. Why the hell are you fucking requesting me to be your friend? I barely socialize with people over the age of 23, most likely including your parents, let alone the under age crowd. 3. Do your parents know you are on the net looking for trouble? 4. I don’t want to hurt your feelings when you hear me say how fucking dumb you and all of your teeny bopper friends are….the truth hurts and you are too young to be cynical. 5. You do realize this is WI and there are a lot of white cargo vans running around…stay off the net, too many pedophiles.
8. NBA and Tattoo’s: Okay, now granted I am a huge Basketball fanatic and I love me some Kenyon Martin, Lebron James, and Carmello Anthony, but what is with all the fucking tattoo’s? Really. I was watching the NBA playoffs this weekend, and its as if in order to play in the NBA you have to have a sleeve, or a ton of tattoo’s. Even lame ass Chris Andersen has a sleeve. Are you kidding me? White boy with a sleeve in order to be “tough” like the rest of his team? Go fly a kite bird man. Do you have so much money that you have nothing else to spend it on other then getting inked up? Or do you get inked, then decide you don’t like it, get it erased with a laser, and then get re-inked? Seriously. You know, I remember reading about a time in history in which getting tattoo’s and branded wasn’t all that cool and acceptable, it’s called slavery and the Holocaust. So why after fighting that hard for your freedom and all do you go out and actually pay someone to put all of these messed up tattoo’s on your body?
9. More tattoo’s: What the fuck are scientist going to say about us and our civilization when they unbury our asses hundreds of years from now and see all the fucked up weirdo’s with all of their tattoo’s and piercings? Are they going to think it was some ritual and rite of passage? Are they going to think we were neandrethals and unruly just as we think about the civilizations of our past? People its fucked up. If a higher power wanted you to have green skin, she would’ve made you that way. If you were meant to have a silver fucking ring in your lip, you would’ve been born that way. And don’t give me this bullshit self expression crap. There are plenty of ways to express yourself. Its called using the fucking dictionary and using your words, create a song, a story, a poem, a piece of art, anything. For those of you who think its about the “process” and the “pain”, well come on over to my place, I will take out all of my agression on you and beat the living shit out of you with my shovel, this way I get out all of my agression and you get to feel the “pain” that you crave. Less money and we kill two birds with one stone. Fucking lame ass retards!
As always, feel free to send me your comments and opinions, or make them on here. I welcome and encourage them. To those of you that I may have offended, go get a tattoo and don’t read my blog!